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Writings of a Misguided Blonde

A collection of poetry, prose, essays, short stories, etc...

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Another Girl

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Once, not long ago, I was another girl.
A girl who was fearless and could do anything.
A girl who loved adventure and acheived.
Once, not long ago, I was myself.

Where did I lose her? Where did she go?
How do I get her back and continue to grow?
Is it too late to reclaim her and start where I left off?
No, I don't think it is; I just need to know where to start

Monday, February 27, 2006

As She Drove Away...

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As she drove away, all she could see was a ribbon of country road and pines.
She couldn't help but wonder what exactly the road would hold for her.
Driving, singing at the top of her lungs, it all came rushing back in a flood.
How was she going to drown her sorrows if reminders were all around her?

She drove until the brillant summer sun set on the glass of Lake Michigan.
All along Highway 2, she marveled at the beauty all around her, freeing her spirit.
Flowing skirt, sandals, tank top, and jean jacket, she couldn't have felt better...
Knowing all was ahead of her, even if she already knew unrequited love...
The world was at the tip of her finger, she just had to claim it for herself.

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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Frustration Beyond Frustrations

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I tried to do as I was told, but ended up worse off.
I tried to keep it all together, but all fell to pieces.
I tried to stop it, but it happened to me anyway.
I tried to be responsible, but all worked against me.

Frustrated beyond belief, I need piece of mind.
Frustrated beyond belief, all I want is a chance.
Frustrated beyond belief, I insist on options!
Frustrated beyond belief, I need a new job!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

As I Move On

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As I move on, I don't want to leave anything behind.
As I move on, I feel as though I need more time.
More time to get things right and clean up the mess.
More time to be with all the people that I love.

As I move on, I want to evolve, not die a slow death.
As I move on, I need to keep my creative inspiration.
Inspriation for my writing, comes in all forms.
Inspiration for all areas of my life, I can't live without.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Hope Lost and Found

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As I look to the future, I need to have hope.
But how do I keep the faith if all is lost?
How do I keep going if I don't believe in me?
All I want to do is run and hide, give up.

Just as I do, something miraculous happens...
Something changes my mind... All will be well.
How long do I have to wait for such an event?
How long do I have to set back and watch?

Roseanne monologue from "Into That Goodnight"

While I might not have agreed with every aspect of the show or Roseanne's own views, this monologue really made me understand what the series was all about, and made it one of my personal favorites.

I especially like her thoughts on creativity and writing!

From episode "Into That Goodnight" part 2

Everyone wonders where creative people get their inspiration.
Actually, I’ve found, it’s all around you.

Take Leon, for instance. Leon is not really as cool as I made him. He’s the only gay guy I know who belongs to the Elks Club.
Then there’s Scott. He really is a probate lawyer I met about a year ago, and introduced to Leon. I guess I didn’t get too creative there.

A lot of kids have called my son a nerd. But, as I told him, they called Steven Spielberg a nerd, too. A lot of times, nerds are really artists who just listen to the beat of a different drummer.

My mom came from a generation where women were supposed to be submissive about everything. I never bought into that, and I wish Mom hadn’t either. I wish she had made different choices. So, I think that’s why I made her gay. I wanted her to have some sense of herself as a woman. Oh yeah, and she’s nuts.

My sister in real life, unlike my mother, is gay. She always told me she was gay, but for some reason I always pictured her with a man. She’s been my rock, and I would not have made it this far without her.

I guess Nancy’s kinda my hero, too. Cause she got out of a terrible marriage, and found a great spiritual strength. I don’t know what happened to that husband of hers, but in my book I sent him into outer space.

When Becky brought David home a few years ago, I thought “This is wrong!” He was much more Darlene’s type. When Darlene met Mark, I thought he went better with Becky. I guess I was wrong. But, I still think they’d be more compatible the other way around. So, in my writing, I did what any good mother would do. I fixed it.

I lost Dan last year, when he had his heart attack. He’s still the first thing I think about when I wake up. And the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I miss him.

Dan and I always felt that it was our responsibility as parents to improve the lives of our children by 50% over our own. And we did. We didn’t hit our children, as we were hit. We didn’t demand their unquestioning silence. And we didn’t teach our daughters to sacrifice more than our sons. As a modern wife, I walked a tightrope between tradition and progress, and usually, I failed by one outsider's standards or another. But I figured out that neither winning nor losing count for women like they do for men. We women are the ones who transform everything we touch. And nothing on earth is higher than that.

My writing’s really what got me through the last year after Dan died. I mean, at first I felt so betrayed, as if he had left me for another woman. When you’re a blue-collar woman, and your husband dies, it takes away your whole sense of security. So, I began writing about having all the money in the world. And I imagined myself going to spas, and swanky New York parties, just like the people on TV, where nobody has any real problems, and everything is solved within 30 minutes. I tried to imagine myself as Mary Richards, Jeannie, That Girl. But I was so angry I was more like a female Steven Seagal wanting to fight the whole world.

For a while I lost myself in food, and a depression so deep that I couldn’t even get out of bed. Until I saw that my family needed me to pull through, so that they could pull through.

One day I actually imagined being with another man. But then I felt so guilty, I had to pretend that it was for some altruistic reason.

And then Darlene had the baby, and it almost died. I snapped out of the mourning immediately, and all of my life energy turned into choosing life. In choosing life, I realized that my dreams of being a writer wouldn’t just come true, I had to do the work. And as I wrote about my life, I relived it, and whatever I didn’t like, I re-arranged.
I made a commitment to finish my story, even if I had to write in the basement, in the middle of the night, while everyone else was asleep. But, the more I wrote, the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices I made, and that was the real jackpot.

I learned that dreams don’t work without action. I learned that no one can stop me, but me. I learned that love is stronger than hate.
And most important, I learned that God does exist. He, and/or She, is right inside you, underneath the pain, the sorrow, and the shame.

I think I’ll be a lot better now that this book is done.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Summers Past

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As I close my eyes and imagine days gone by,
I see the slow, murky river setting summer's pace.
Running, walking, swimming, playing, life ws full.
Rolling down hills, gazing at the stars... I had it all.

Most importantly, I was allowed to be a child;
And I am grateful I wasn't forced to grow too fast.
Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa; All were there.
All ensured I had the best. For this I am grateful.

Wake Up!

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As I hit the snooze yet again, I can't help but wonder,
Wonder why I need to move at all, go through the motions.
Living life by going through the motions, trying not to blunder.
Life as such is certainly no life at all without a range of emotions.

As I finally get out of bed, I slowly begin the process of waking up.
Slowly, I begin organizing my thoughts, emotions, and dreams.
As I crave caffeine, I realize my true dependence on the cup.
Fully awake, I daydream wonderfully delicious schemes.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

As I Dream...

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Lost in a dream of absolute perfection, I dread greeting the sun.
I bury my head, wanting nothing more than to just drift away...
Drift away to a place, time, circumstance from which I need not run.
Try as I might, I can't replace what is lost; I can't help but join the foray.

Without the dreams, I'd be lost in my own despair and forsake all hope.
How could I go on when only confronted with the reality of my life?
As I yearn to fulfill my dreams, destiny, their essence allows my to cope.
For it is this vision that allows me to endure and persevere any strife.

Metamorphosis - 20/10/2003

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Changing in painful new ways
Growing past my limitations
Bringing freedom and choice
Demanding excellence in all endeavors
Enriches all humanity

How far will this beast take me?
Before I can rest
I must move that much further
Beyond all dreams, all expectations
Lies the sweetest reward.

Piece of Mind - 20/10/2003

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I will not be satisfied
Until my goals are accomplished
My mind cannot rest
Until I've given it my personal best

Where are you going today?
That I do know well
How do you plan to get there?
Unfortunately, all is a blur, murky.

Will all fall into place as expected?
"Give you all I got for a little piece of mind."

Running - 20/10/2003

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Straight ahead, never looking back
I only wonder what's next
Who will I grow into, become?
I know how to get where I want to go,
But something pulls me from behind.

Impatience grows with every breath.
You can not relive the past,
Nor live completely in the future
Only today matters
This hour, this minute, this second.

Lost Poems Found

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As I was cleaning out my office today, I came across some poems I wrote in the fall of 2003. I am going to post them individually as I did all of my poetry from my experience in Spain.

Please enjoy!

Just for the heck of it, I included a picture of me as a child.

More Later...


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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

On Writers and Writing....

I am certainly getting back in the writing mode, as well as the blogging mode.

Look for lots of new content over the next few days.

I've really explored LiveJournal (there is a link to my journal on my links list) and even started a blog on Yahoo! 360. It isn't going to be involved. It essentially is going to vaguely chronicle changes/improvements in my other blogs (which are linked on my 360 page), as well as serve as a communications hub.

More later...


Monday, February 20, 2006

A Work in Progress - My New Blog!

Please check out my new blog, A Work in Progress...
It is going to serve as an extension of this blog as I plan to use it to collect ideas and writings for a novel.

I can't believe that I am actually doing this! I just hope that I can keep it up!


A Work in Progress

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Out of the Shadows

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Out of the Shadows I grow, needing only love and light to thrive.
It is only through pain that I learn all the lessons I need to live.
My impatience gets the best of me as I awaken all that is inside.
As I begin to walk again, I can't help but want to run as before.
Will all be lost as in the past - or will I at last taste rich success?

While I await my fate, all I can do is plan, plan, and plan some more.
Plan my family, my career, my home - as well as everything in between
Down to the last detail, I will live my life in sweet, perfect perfection.
I may have to trade one dream for another, but I will never stop at all.
Never stop dreaming, scheming, planning all that I will become.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Blurb Home

I am going to need this later... Please check it out!
Gotta love the web!


Blurb Home

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